Seriously, where are all the good coffee shops in Austin? I have come across nothing but sub-par joints with bad coffee, bartistas who are rude and don’t ever give you what you ask for, and sad people who are trying too hard to be un-Texan. Fair Bean buzzes with negative energy and suffocates me every time I walk in, Bouldin is dirty and filled with chatty people who sit around and do nothing but complain, which quit honestly rubs off on me; I’ve been to some others but they’re obviously not memorable. The only place I actually like is Coffee Bean and they’re a chain. At least they don’t burn their coffee. Perhaps I just miss the coffee shops of yor. Henry’s, Aimee’s, La Prima Tazza… but those are from times long gone, and though I loved them all dearly—except Aimee’s, I know they’re not where I belong.
So, where do I belong? If I’m counting down the days until I’ve been here a year, why even stay that long? Why not just move on now? As I contemplated staying or going the sun finally came out here in Austin. It was a gorgeous, bright day and I couldn’t have been more grateful. Much like today, before I made my way to Fair Bean…Anyway, all of the sun seemed bring life to me.
Unfortunately what was lacking in life was my computer charger, it went all some-lucky-girl-got-the-guy-who-was-shooting-blanks on me. I suppose these things weren’t made to last longer than their warranty. Needless to say I made my way to Best Buy to best-buy a new one. I did not get the best-deal, and I wondered what kind of profit HP turns on a simple computer charger. Of course, Best Buy also has to turn a profit and in turn my profit drops $87 in the red. It just didn’t seem right that I was paying so much for something so little. Does HP really need to charge that much for a charger? Apparently PC companies don’t really make a huge profit compared to other technologies, but somebody’s gotta’ sacrifice their lives so I can check my email and write a blog. And boy, what a sacrifice that is. It seems HP’s president, Mark Hurd, reportedly made a dismal $25.4 million last year. The Silicon Beat reports, “a $1.45 million salary and $23.9 million in bonus money.” Now, I don’t mean to imply the Markster doesn’t deserve every penny he gets. In fact, while HP’s profits had dropped significantly in the past few years, in the first quarter of 2009, shortly after he was hired, they were apparently up. According to money.cnn.com this is, in part, due to Hurd’s great leadership skills in his first act as company president: cut 10% of jobs. Brilliant. Guess that’s why he gets paid the big bucks, he’s clearly an innovative thinker. But really, with leaders profiting so much personally, where do they expect HP’s company profit to go? And all the while someone in China or Mexico makes a whole thirty-five cents an hour, no wonder my new computer charger is working just as well as my old one...
Anyway, all week I couldn’t put my finger on what exactly it was that was bothering me so much about Austin. It’s a great city with great people. I mean, sure they try a little too hard to not be Texas (but who can blame them) while still trying to profit any way they can on “liberal” “progressive” things that are “green” or “eco-friendly” ;at least they’re trying to do some good in the process. I like it here, I do. I like my friends, I like my job, and I like my gym with all its really hot trainers. So, what the hell is wrong with me?
It took a new friend to help me realize: it’s not home and I haven’t been able to make it my home. First it was the boy’s home filled with his books, his movies, his pillows. I just had a suitcase. And when it wasn’t his home anymore I was just a stranger wondering around in a strange land, the Land of Oz. (Keep up folks, read my excerpts from the 6th and Oz project I’m working on.)
So, here I am, a Dorothy lost in someone else’s Oz, looking for my way back home. For almost two months now I’ve been trying to bring myself to give the boy back his books and his movies and his pillow. Yesterday I finally did. Well, Sasha did. I was going to do it, but I couldn’t. I don’t know if it was just too hard or if I’ve already moved on, I’m ready for something else, someone else and I didn’t want anything getting in the way of that. I’m not sad about anything that happened. Actually, I’m grateful. I couldn’t have moved to Austin without him. But I CAN live in Austin without him. It’s my home too now. I don’t miss him, but at times I do wish what could have been would have gotten the opportunity to be. I didn’t move here for him, he just happened to give me the fastest and easiest way out of Kansas. I’ve been operating under the assumption that he was the scarecrow, the tin man, and the cowardly lion helping this Dorothy find her way back home; but now I think they’re still to come; waiting for me on the horizon, beckoning me with every storm cloud that rolls by, every rainy day. Or maybe, and this is the way I really like to think of it, maybe I’m all of them--Dorothy and the whole crew--and I can find my way home on my own; the boy was just the tornado that swept through the prairie and carried me somewhere over the rainbow. I was already displaced from my home; maybe the tornado brought me a little bit closer to finding it again.
Oh, and one good thing about Fair Bean: Very attractive owner.
**If you like what I have to say you can read more at www.meganwhitney.org.
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