A Compassion Project

Something has been bothering me. Last Monday a couple came into Beets and gave one of my coworkers a card about compassion. They have a site, www.AvatarResults.com, the purpose of which is to “increase the amount of compassion in the world” through “compassion exercises.” Now Nicki, my previously mentioned coworker, is one of the most understanding, caring, and compassionate people I know. So, when I said, “that’s something I need,” in reference to the card, it through me off when she responded in a matter of fact way with “yeah, you do.” Of course I meant what I said, and I still mean it—we could all stand to be a little more compassionate; so I shouldn’t have been surprised by her reaction. But I was, and my surprise made me realize something. I go around spouting a philosophy of compassion: Go Vegan! Sweatshop Free’s the Way to Be! Buy local, volunteer, give homeless people your extra food… but does that make me a compassionate person? Do I try to be understanding? Am I really aware when the people around me need help, and do I really help whenever I can? How can I be this amazing, compassionate person when an even more amazing, compassionate person can’t recognize me as such?
As I went about the next few days trying to be compassionate I happened upon this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u20vVbhpM50. In it Srikumar Rao talks about a “me-centered universe” in which each individual thinks about their lives by asking, “How does this affect me? Will it lead to my personal happiness?” The best way to achieve this happiness we all seem to seek, according to Rao, is to align ourselves with doing something for the greater good rather than just the greatest good for the individual.
I couldn’t agree more, and as I thought about how I got stuck in this uni-verse of mine, something became very clear. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t get stuck here I was put here, condition to be this way. Society preaches the idea that you have to help yourself before you can help anyone else. It’s funny to think about everyone who has told me that, particularly on my last road trip with Kiley.
When we would tell people our story, that we dropped our lives to drive around the country trying to make an intimate (don’t misread that word) connection with people on a one-on-one level; so many people would say that what we were doing was admirable then, inevitably, put us down. “You don’t have money saved up? You don’t have jobs? You have a dog with you? How can you pay for gas, feed yourselves, feed the dog? You can’t help anyone, you can’t even help yourselves.” That was the sentiment everyone put out, but who did these people think they were, darnit? Aside from a few very successful, yet irrefutably selfish people in our lives (I want to take a second to point out that I am not referring to my incredibly generous and ever encouraging aunt, thank you for everything… ever, Aunt Sharon), the bulk of these nay-sayers were the even more successful, uber-me-centered and consequently very wealthy people of Scottsdale, Arizona. With the exception of our time with the amazing Foster family who took us under their wing, we were starving and homeless in Phoenix and yet somehow we always seemed to interact with individuals who were far from it. Very few of those individuals helped us, and while the ones that did went above and beyond; looking back now begs the question: at what point has one helped herself enough to be able to help others?
Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t looking for handouts we were looking to connect with people and, if we could, help them in whatever way they needed it most. The thought of others not even offering us words of encouragement, let alone food or shelter, didn’t bother me until I started writing this blog.
Perhaps I’m being too hard on them, though, perhaps I’m just trying to distract from my own inadequacies when it comes to compassion. What I do know without speculation, however, I want to reiterate: we can all stand to be a little more compassionate. We need to begin to open our eyes and notice when we need one another. And the best help we can give is to show how much we care. I don’t mean how much in terms of how much money we donate, how many things we can give; I mean how much of ourselves we can give. A human connection, knowing that someone else cares and thinks you matter; that’s what people need.
I guess I can’t be mad at Nicki for pointing out that I don’t try as hard as I could to be compassionate, I can only be grateful for what she made me realize. On a similar note I encourage everyone to check out http://charterforcompassion.org. Watch the video, read other peoples stories of compassion and share you own.